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New breakthrough suggests that drinking diet sodas can reverse the effects of high-calorie meals

Researchers at Columbia University’s Institute of Human Nutrition confirmed last Saturday that drinking diet sodas proportional to the size of the meal being consumed actually reduces the caloric intake.

Tenured Professor Jack Balleisen, Ph.D, said he was just as stunned as his lab technicians when their results confirmed their conclusion in all twelve test cases.

“Basically if you eat 600 calories for any given meal during the day, you can reduce that amount to 450 by drinking about 12 ounces of Diet Coke—or 15 ounces of Diet Mountain Dew.”

“For a 1200 calorie meal,” Balleisen continues, “drinking about three cups of Diet Coke can reduce the intake to just 740 calories.”

According to the lab, one of five human test cases, Horace Williamson, experienced a record weight loss of 47 pounds in just 5 weeks, averaging almost one-and-a-half pound a day, by utilizing this method.

We asked sr. lab manager Edward Carlyle why most people don’t find that drinking diet soda can accelerate weight loss.

“It’s all about making sure you get the right proportion,” says Carlyle. “Some of our brightest programming research assistants are working on building a web-based calculator that will be able to show you exactly how much diet soda you’d need to consume for a meal to reduce your caloric intake.”

Emory Salzburg, a technician to the lab and one of Balleisen’s doctoral students, assures that additional studies are being conducted at peer universities to further confirm the results.

“What we are ideally looking to do is create somewhat of a supplemental pill that can provide the benefits of diet soda while simultaneously avoiding the risks,” Salzburg says. “For now, we don’t recommend using this method for rapid weight loss, as you could be gambling with hidden risks of diet soda.”

Balleisen’s lab promises to publicize the findings once it receives approval from the Food and Drug Administration.