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OSU Attacker Has No Ties to ISIS; ACTUALLY ROYALTY

A new update has come forth in the controversial attack that happened only a mere week ago at The Ohio State University. It appears that the assailant, a Somalian refugee, actually had no ties to ISIS. Several e-mails were released to Wikileaks early December 2nd, but the scandal was shoved under the bus over perceived bigger news- like Donald Trump making a phone call and tweeting someone else who has equally bad hair. These e-mails confirm the FBI’s suspected claim that the attacker was actually related to a Nigerian prince.

In a chain of over twelve e-mails, the assailant, who appears to be royalty, colluded with his alleged brother, the prince of Nigeria. In the heartfelt initial e-mail, Dr. Faddi Beta pleads with his brother to come back and take the throne from their abusive long lost uncle Daenerys Tyrion.

While much speculation exists on what really was going through the attacker's mind (besides, “hey, maybe I’m not cut out for this whole terrorist thing”), the story is truly coming together now.

Here is a brief snippet from their e-mail correspondence:

I have EIGHTY million USD ($80,000,000.00) specially preserved and well packed in trunk boxes of which only my wife and I knew about. It is packed in such a way to forestall our evil uncle from having access to it. It is this sum that I seek your assistance to get out of Nigeria as soon as possible before our tyrannical uncle finds out about it and confiscate it like they have done to all our assets. I implore you, please give consideration to this predicament. Once the money ($80,000,000.00 specifically) is out of the country, we can rally resources and take back the throne where you will reign supreme. All you have to do is send the initial processing fee of $2000 dollars. May Allah show you mercy as you do so? Yours faithfully, Dr. Faddi Beta
Despite this clear evidence, some still claim that the assailant did not do anything and that pulling out a cleaver was simply the natural reaction of road rage. A Facebook post that supported these claims sparked outrage from the Ohio State community. This prompted a petition to be created to fire the OSU staffer who posted it. The poster was an employee of the Office of Diversity and Inclusion. Below is her post explaining this theory in-depth:

Controversial Post

Ms. Thompson later apologized for the gross misuse of commas in her post, and will most likely be fired within the week.

The rest of the theory was given in a PR release by the FBI field agent in charge of the investigation, who wishes to remain unnamed. According to Agent Smith, the attacker needed to raise $2000.00 for the initial processing fee. Together, the Nigerian prince and the soon-to-be attack devised a devious plan. In order to make cash quick, they decided to take advantage of people who want to be nice. This was also the only reason he was allowed in as a refugee. So, the attacker borrowed a friend's car and convinced another who had a class in Watts Hall to pull the fire alarm. Then a group of his friends (who he promised positions in the Nigerian cabinet), rushed into the street. It was all a ruse. To extract the money from “the capitalist swine”, GoFundMe pages for the “victims” were then used to pay the initial processing fee. The attacker, who was shot by a 28-year-old university cop, actually used a stunt double. No one was injured. He now sits on the throne of Nigeria.

“What an enterprising young man!” were the only words out of Stephanie Clemons Thompson’s mouth when asked for a comment.

Many other influential figures were commenting on the full story, from Obama to Trump. Obama made sure to not mention radical Islam, whereas Trump said, “told you so”. The parents of the so-called attacker also came forth for the first time since the incident.

"I knew our son could never do that."

“I knew our son could never do that. I am so proud of him and his leadership ability. We can finally go back to our homeland of Nigeria. We had no intention of ever adapting to American society.”

People need to be made aware of these revelations to the tragedy that unfolded at Ohio State.

An anonymous source told The American Tribune that local Columbus news organizations were not aware of these details. It is a shame local media does such a shoddy job compared to mainstream media, like The American Tribune. People need to be made aware of these revelations to the tragedy that unfolded at Ohio State.

We reached out to the Nigerian prince for comment but ended up on the phone with a secretary who was clearly flustered. After the secretary managed to catch their breath, they mentioned that Nigeria was now accepting all Somali refugees and the prince was too busy with all the reforms he was making to comment.

Tune in for updates on this story!

Edit: The crime rate in Nigeria is up almost 37% since the regime change.