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Trump to Fund Coat Hanger Venture

Late Friday night, Trump announced his plan to use his personal money to fund the construction of coat hanger factories on American soil. His plan, outlined in a series of tweets, consists of creating two major factories in New York and DC.

According to Trump’s plan, these factories will stimulate the economy by using only US material and labors: construction workers will be sourced from local undocumented workers, wire will be resourced from used IUDs, and the CEO will be a prominent US citizen, Trump’s own daughter Ivanka.

In his own words, Trump explained that “With my money, the new factories will send money trickling down to all of America from the thugs to the women. It will be terrific. Everyone will know how great it is to have money.” By putting Ivanka in such a position of power, Trump’s actions stand as a beacon of light for all women, helping to encourage them to grasp positions of power. When later asked about the idea behind his new business proposition, Trump said he “was encouraged by Mike, he’s just great. He said he had this idea to monogamously marry my business with our politics and I thought it was fantastic.”

At his home in Indiana, Pence stated in in an interview that “Just like how a baby is alive from the moment of conception, this idea has been bright in my mind since Trump won the election. I know that once we enact our new economic plans we will create more opportunity for jobs, especially for women. Where else would these women hang their pantsuits besides hangers?”

If everything runs its course, Trump will erect these new factories after he first deals with what he has labeled “more important legal matters:” appointing a new Supreme Court justice.