Vatican To Purchase Browsing Data of Priests


As you should know by now, Congress recently passed a bill that allows Internet Service Providers (ISP) to sell users’ data without their consent. This opens up the ability for companies to purchase large amounts of previously unattainable data. It has also sparked a public outcry, including a crowdfunding campaign to buy Congress’ data.

While the majority of those purchasing this data will use it for marketing, apparently some will be using it for morality. The Vatican is apparently planning on buying the browsing data of ordained priests. Analysts have speculated that the purpose of this may be to combat pedophilia throughout the diocese. This has caused outrage among American bishops, who say that collecting their data would put them at a severe disadvantage to their European counterparts. The American Tribune would like to point out that they wouldn’t be at a disadvantage if they could simply resist the urge to diddle the choir boys.

At this time, it is still unclear who will have access to this information, and what roll, if any, it will play in the election of future Popes. Sources say that there are currently talks about expanding the purchase to include all members of the Church, to ensure that all sins are confessed.