Breaking news and editorials

WOW! Chick-fil-A Accidentally Poisons Baptist Minister With #SalmonellaSandwich Meant for Gay Couple!

Dawson Springs, KY —An employee has been fired, a pastor has been hospitalized and a community has been heartbroken and left searching for answers...and a wanted man.

Following a recent trip to the Chick Fil-A on McCarthy Ave, Michael Brown Holy Remembrance Ministries Pastor Lamont Leskew was hospitalized following a bout of explosive and blood laced diarrhea attributed to rapidly onset Salmonella Poisoning forced him to the bathroom before he even made it to his Waffle Fries.

Fellow employees became suspicious and took action after hearing shrieking coming from the bathroom and recently hired (now fired) Fry Cook Curly Beaumont stormed out following an expletive laced tirade aimed at the Gay community. "All that work, all them eggs and all them tweets wasted on HIM". "Him" turned out to be Pastor Leskew and "that work" appears to have been another case of #SalmonellaSandwich.

An overview of the twitter account @altright_Curly paints the picture of a troubled Parolee occasionally praising University of Kentucky Basketball Coach John Callipari amidst a stream of anti-gay hate speech. "2day gun be the day dem fairiez be sh***in wer dey shudnt be stickin #1man1woman"

Surveillance footage provided by Chick-fil-A appears to show Pastor Leskew stepping in front of a recently wed dual-male couple celebrating their recent matrimony at the place it all began, their weekly MTG Meetup at the midtown restaurant.

"We're just shocked, honestly," said a tearful Pascual Minót. "We just wanted to have a nice afternoon with some waffle fries and some of that sinfully sweet lemonade, you know like we do every week. And for this...bigot, I can't even call him a man, to try and hurt us. I guess it's just another day in Trump's America." Requesting anonymity, Mr. Minót's partner informed The Tribune that the couple had visited the still hospitalized Pastor and wished him a quick recovery.

Dawson Springs Prosecutors have filed a litany of charges against Mr. Beaumont and obtained a warrant for his arrest but as of the posting of this article he has yet to be apprehended. Members of the community are urged to contact authorities immediately following any contact with the homophobic fry cook and to under no circumstances consume any food he may be offering.

As the result of this heinous act, protestors are demanding a response from Chick-fil-A using the trending hashtag #SalmonellaSandwich.

@NickAlldredge